Mission Envy

This week I have been experiencing two feelings I tend to avoid: envy and anger. The first one is really very strange. I think I am in the midst of some serious mission envy. And the hard part is, this isn't the first time. From the very beginning of our YASC experience, if I am honest with myself, I imagined us ending up in Africa.

I know, I know, this is so typical white kid wants to save lives in Africa. Which is why this is so difficult. Really, I swear I got my interest in Africa by honest (not guilt ridden) means. As an International Baccalaureate student in high school, my high school was extremely blessed to offer High Level African History. At the time we were one of a handful of high schools in the entire United States to offer this program. Our teacher was ABD in African History and it was her passion. Her passion for Africa bled over to almost all of her students. I don't know a single one who doesn't have at least some feeling of connection to this little understood but vastly diverse and rich continent. I don't know this to be true, but I imagine one reason my brother Nathan is studying abroad in Ghana is because of his own African History experience.

Another part of my mission envy comes from my absolute love of working in hands on care experiences. Many of the most joy-filled moments of my life have been working "hands-on" with adults with developmental disabilities at Support, Inc. and L'Arche Harbor House. I don't need an African experience to "discover" the love of God or simplicity of just being. I already had that in the U.S. and I can't help but want more. I deeply deeply desire more hands on experiences of love.

Anyway, I love reading the other missionary blogs. I especially love reading the blogs from Tanzania, Kenya, and South Africa. The missionaries speak of such vibrant joy and love and life. Now, I know life isn't perfect. Even if our blogs make it look like it is. I know there are very real challenges in every missionary placement. But just grant me this little moment of envy. . .

Now, in lieu of talking about anger (which I promise I am doing in a healthy way with family and close friends), I would like to share some of the sustaining things I have encountered in the past week:

In my interview with Bishop O'Neill at the BACOM weekend, he brought up Common Cathedral, a wonderful "homeless church" in Boston. They use the serenity prayer each week, because it's a good prayer, and because many people in attendance struggle with substance abuse.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

and Romans 4:16-21:

16 For this reason it depends on faith, in order that the promise may rest on grace and be guaranteed to all his descendants, not only to the adherents of the law but also to those who share the faith of Abraham (for he is the father of all of us, ¹⁷as it is written, ‘I have made you the father of many nations’)—in the presence of the God in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist. ¹⁸Hoping against hope, he believed that he would become ‘the father of many nations’, according to what was said, ‘So numerous shall your descendants be.’ ¹⁹He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was already as good as dead (for he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. ²⁰No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, ²¹being fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.

And of course:

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.