In the Silence

Overload. Exhausted. Humbled. Joyful. Scared. Prayerful. Thankful. Excited. Relieved. Trembling. Anxious. In Love.
On Thursday afternoon, my Mom, Dad, and I drove to St. Malo Conference Center near Allenspark, Colorado for the Episcopal Diocese of Colorado BACOM conference. The BACOM conference is a series of interviews between aspirants for the priesthood and members of the Commission on Ministry, a group of lay and ordained people charged with the responsibility of overseeing and supporting ordained ministers in the Diocese of Colorado.

At the beginning of the weekend, the aspirants (including me and 3 others) were asked to reflect on a moment of joy during their day. I was extremely thankful for the opportunity to spend the drive up with my parents. Although I did feel some anxiety over being by far the youngest person attending and exacerbating the situation by being dropped off by my parents, I was blessed by visiting the very spot my parents met almost 27 years ago. Standing by the fireplace in the reconstructed lodge where they met as camp staff was an incredible moment of joy. I saw for the first time the very place my parent's life together was set in motion as I confronted a defining moment in my own life's journey.
One of the greatest challenges of the BACOM weekend was maintaining clarity about my discernment process in Colorado and my time thus far in Taiwan. I went into the weekend mentally preparing myself for the interview process by reading and re-reading my spiritual autobiography, psychological evaluation, and budgets lovingly and painstakingly made by Elizabeth. I was in essence attempting to recapture what I felt and knew at the end of my congregational discernment process, I feel called and ready to give my life to serve God and the Church as a priest. Up until this point, I had not truly considered what our time in Taiwan has meant in the process of discernment. In fact, I felt quite sure that my time in Taiwan has not deeply impacted my calling at all, but somehow was delaying or muddying up the clarity I had achieved way back in July.

The structure of the BACOM conference itself is easily the most intensive interview marathon (I hope) I will ever encounter. Thursday evening's pleasantries aside, the aspirants were in for a "trial by fire," as Sam, one of the other aspirants, put it. Each aspirant was given a personalized schedule detailing the 7 personal interviews and 2 group interviews, all to take place in the span of about 30 hours. On Friday I interviewed with a physician, psychologist, priest, spiritual director, academic advisor, financial advisor, and the Bishop. Easily the most difficult part of the process was not being able to rely on my strengths. To put it bluntly, each interviewer acknowledged my resume and writing skills, and cut through the BS, straight to the heart of the matter: is my calling authentic and am I emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physical prepared to devote my life to ordained ministry. As the Bishop said at the beginning of the weekend, a Yes to postulancy for ordained ministry is really a No to many other things. A Yes means a life of giving and service.

In the great providence (timely preparation for future eventualities) of God, the interviews provided me with a first hand experience of the Holy Spirit working through my words and heart as I poured out in language (incomprehensible to me) integrating and testifying to the amazing work God has done in me over the past 3 months. My bottled up unwillingness to integrate this experience with my personal discernment was washed away and smoothed out in ways for which I can only praise and thank God.

When I woke up this morning (in Taiwan), I opened my email and found an email from the Bishop's office. I was informed that I have been accepted into postulancy for the priesthood in the Diocese of Colorado. I cannot begin to grasp where this journey will lead, but I believe this is a good time to take a moment and breathe.

After all of the preparations, meetings, prayer, travel, worrying, writing, reading was done, I was called to a place of great beauty and silence. In this place I allowed God to encounter me and speak through me. As I write this I am reminded of this passage in 1 Kings (19:11-13): "Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains and breaking rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence. When Elijah heard it(!), he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave."

Praise God!


Love,

Seth

Pinpoints

Hello all,

First off, let me be forthright in saying this has been a very challenging and frustrating week for both of us. We have had a fair amount of trouble with communication and matching expectations between the Diocese of Taiwan and our own understanding of our work here. So, with this in mind, I would like to talk a little bit about dreams and the possibility of finding pinpoints of light in difficult situations.

There are a few major things at work in the coming two weeks: first of all, Elizabeth and I will be traveling to Hong Kong to get new visas. Our current visas expire on Saturday. Secondly, I will be traveling to the United States immediately after our trip to Hong Kong (I will literally be staying in the Taipei airport overnight to catch my flight to the U.S.) for the Diocese of Colorado Bishop's Advisory Committee on Ministry weekend. This is a weekend where I will be interviewed by the Bishop and others about the status of my call to ordained ministry. In the midst of all of this, we are still trying to get this campus ministry thing off the ground here in Taipei and find a good teaching fit for Elizabeth. Whew!

So, the first pinpoint of light: Before we came to Taiwan, Elizabeth and I engaged in a whirlwind tour of seminaries, including Yale, Virginia, General, and Sewanee (The University of the South). In this process we encountered many people who talked about their experiences applying to seminary. Most people said that they "just knew" or the school "immediately clicked" as they found the right seminary community. After four visits I wasn't quite sure. I think this partly has to do with the fact that I am not even a postulant (yet, God-willing), but it also tells me more about how I experience God's voice and call in my life.

Throughout my discernment process, I have learned to listen for God in a variety of ways. The most comfortable and reliable form being praying and mulling over an idea from many different angles and experiences. As we explored in the Theological Reflection group at CU, while lightning strikes of inspiration do occur, it is also quite possible (and perhaps more probable) for inspiration to come from a variety of sources of experience, including prayer, images, personal experience, and friends.

A few instances of divine inspiration have led me to some interesting ideas: first of all, I am being called (in ordained ministry or not) to a life of humble service. For me, this means humility in the academic world. I must resist the temptation to prove to others that I am smart by going to a school that doesn't fit me but looks really good. This means maybe a school like Yale isn't the best option. In fact, when talking to Elizabeth, opening mail from seminaries, and researching online, I get the most excited (literally, a warm and electric internal feeling) about Sewanee. For those of you (luckily) outside of the seminary world, Sewanee is kind of an odd choice. It is very small, very secluded, and not well-known for academics. It is however a wonderful family community, with a good spousal support network, good financial aid, and a solid history of educating clergy for their priestly ministry.

Now, I'm not ready to commit myself to anything. I'm still praying, listening, imagining, and dreaming. But, I did have a short dream about getting a financial aid letter from Sewanee saying I only owed $900 a year and they would pay for the other $19000. I have no idea where the numbers came from, but this could be a good thing, right?

And who knows, maybe humility will lead me to another school, or even a different vocation. But I have learned that the fit and God's plan for my education and vocation is far more important than the professors and academic programs available at any particular school.

Second pinpoint of light: A few weeks ago we were invited by Daniel, the chaplain's assistant at St. John's University, to give a talk on "Faith and Music." St. John's University is an Episcopal university in the northern tip of Taiwan. Daniel and Fr. Lennon have developed a thriving campus ministry. Each Thursday night fellowship attracts between 30-40 students. The music and programming is almost completely led by students. It was a truly amazing display of student leadership and fellowship.

The night began with a meal together with the students. We then did a 40 minute presentation which included a Nooma video, a short description of Taize, some enthusiastic Taize music singing, and Elizabeth's reflections on the vocation of teaching music fitting into God's "song" of mercy, love, compassion, and justice.

We were welcomed with open arms and enthusiasm by the students and staff and were even presented with St. John's sweatshirts. Just in case it ever gets cold here. . .

I really hope that our connection with St. John's can grow and they can be a source of assistance and guidance in the establishment of our campus ministry. We will see.

In the meantime, please enjoy our pictures of the St. John's fellowship. And just for Dustin (and for others interested in Swedish furniture) we have a picture of one of the four Ikea stores in Taiwan. More on our Ikea adventure later. . .

And please, please pray for our safety in travel. Also, please pray for Elizabeth while I am in the U.S. and for me as I meet with the Bishop and the rest of the commission on ministry.

Our next post will probably not come until November because of the crazy travel schedule.

Blessings,

Seth

I'm Going Forward

On Wednesday, Elizabeth wrote a wonderful email update titled "I'm Going Forward." It was too good to keep in one format, so I am posting it here on the blog.

Two quick notes: Please check out the links to our fellow missionaries. They are in full swing and doing wonderful work. Secondly, as a little treat, you get some pictures of our favorite lian ge xiao mao (two little cats) and a giant snail found by the cathedral. Enjoy!

Coming next week. . . some thoughts about some visions and dreams I have been having in my prayer (and sleep) time. Stay tuned!

Love, Seth

I'm going forward,
Never, never turning back

While we were in New York this past summer for our two week training, some of the music we heard was from the Itipini Gospel Choir. They are from Mthatha, South Africa and many of them are children. So, a few days ago we contacted a fellow YASC missionary in Mthatha, South Africa who is working at the Itipini Medical Clinic. (To read more about Jesse, visit his blog http://mthathamission.blogspot.com/. He has just committed to a second year in Mthatha and his blog is wonderful!) Anyway, Jesse sent us a few songs through email and one of them is called "I'm Going Forward." The call and response structure as well as the simple and fundamental use of chords common in African song has always warmed my heart. To hear the lyrics 'I'm going forward, never, never turning back' pumped me up!

This past weekend we had visitors from the Episcopal Church, from New York City, Hawai'i, and San Francisco. Peter Ng, from NYC, is the contact person for all relations between Asia and the Pacific. Mimi Wu, from Hawai'i, serves on the board for Province VIII. And Rev. Jack Eastwood (and his wife Judy), from San Francisco, is the President of Province VIII. Our conversations with all were very fruitful! While talking to Peter, we found out that we should have hot water (I am waiting for the repairman as I type), I will increase my teaching hours, and Seth was given some good ideas for the beginnings of the campus ministry. It was wonderful to spend the time to sit down and talk with him. We were also able to talk to the Province VIII representatives. Seth was eager to talk to them about bringing a group of students from Taiwan to the provincial gathering in March. The gathering will be in Tempe, Arizona. We were able to get contacts and ideas for fundraising to make the trip affordable for the students. Again, it was wonderful to talk with them face-to-face. I'm going forward. . .

Just last night, I was able to make a connection I never dreamed of. When Union Carbide signed a deal with Sony about 30 years ago, a Sony team from Japan was sent to Cleveland, Ohio to receive training. My grandfather was the teacher for this training. He and my grandmother made a life-long connection with Hiroshi Abe, who was working for Sony, and his wife, Keiko. After spending 3 months in Cleveland for training, Hiroshi went home to Japan. However, every 5 years, Hiroshi and Keiko go to Cleveland to visit my grandparents. When my grandfather died a few years ago, they planted a tree in their garden in remebrance of him. My grandmother was able to visit Japan two years ago. Hiroshi, who now works for a different company, comes to Taipei on business for one week a month. When Hiroshi and Keiko found out, through my grandmother, that Seth and I were living in Taipei, Keiko planned to come with Hiroshi to Taipei to meet us! Last night, we were able to have dinner with Hiroshi and Keiko. I never thought I would be able to meet them! I've heard stories and seen pictures all of my life! My grandmother's house is full of Japanese art and pottery. It was amazing to make this connection. I can only pray that Seth and I will be able to make life-long friends while we are living in Taipei this year. I'm going forward. . .

A big thank you to our partners in mission this week: Carlen Penfold, Mollie and Nicholas Lee, Bob and Julie Stuenkel, Ron and Janet Fullmer, and Bishop O'Neill. THANK YOU!!!

We love you all, have a great day, and don't forget to send us your love in emails, they make our day.

Many blessings and much love,
Elizabeth

May Your Kingdom Advent

Raise your hand if this was a familiar scene in your Sunday school/youth group: Sunday school teacher: "today we are going to personalize the Lord's Prayer. We are going to rewrite the Lord's Prayer in our own words!" If your hand is raised, you know this often results in groans and "really, this again?"

So bear with me while I take this exercise in a different direction. For the last two weeks, Elizabeth and I have been meeting with Rev. Samuel at the cathedral to learn the Lord's Prayer in Mandarin Chinese. We have decided to use these Chinese lessons primarily as a way to learn "liturgical Chinese." We hope this will enable us to better participate in the prayers during Sunday services.

As we were learning the proper way to say the Lord's Prayer (which involves a lot of admonishments to speak with a harder accent), I wrote down a direct translation of the Chinese into English, creating a new version of the personalized Lord's Prayer.

This is how it came out:

Our father in heaven
May your name be honored as holy
May your kingdom advent
May your will be obeyed on earth
like same be done in heaven

Every day we need and use drinking and eating, today give us
also we beg to forgive our sin (crime)
like the same we forgive the offenses we receive from the people.
Do not let us meet and see temptation (don't call us to meet temptation) (don't call temptation on us)

To save us to release from evil
because kingdom, power, and glory
all are yours from now to forever. Amen.

I was most interested in the word used for sin (or trespasses depending on your preference for English translation). In Mandarin, the word used for sin is the same word as crime. Therefore, whereas in English we distinguish between spiritual failings as sin and offenses against the law as crime, there no delineation in Mandarin. For someone to be called a sinner in Taiwan is to accuse them of being a criminal.

Imagine being a seeker and being called a sinner for the first time. It apparently is a common reaction that people will deny being sinful because they have not been adequately taught about the idea of spiritual sin v. governmental crime. No one wants to be called a criminal, right?

This lesson in sin/crime might prove very useful in our English Bible study. Since we are working through studies about the "unexpected Jesus" the idea of forgiveness for sin is quite prevalent. I am not sure what I think about the delineation between spiritual sin and crime. I haven't really thought at all about how we in the U.S. deal much more seriously (in terms of legal and physical punishment) to crime than to sin. Hmmm...

I was also very surprised when Rev. Samuel translated the line "may your kingdom advent." Much of our experience with the cathedral so far has been an introduction to a much more evangelical church than we have previously experienced. The cathedral is very involved in teaching Alpha courses, and has recently begun a campaign modeled after the Purpose Driven paradigm. They are even advertising for and promoting participation in the Franklin Graham festival at the end of October. Since the cathedral's population is largely composed of relatively new Christians whose knowledge of Christianity is largely based in non-denominational evangelical reading and teaching (think Joel Osteen), I was not expecting the word "advent" to pop up. However, this is apparently the best translation from Chinese to English of the phrase "may your kingdom come."

So maybe the church here is more connected into the liturgical tradition than I thought. Instead of having to explain the meaning of the word advent, they pray it every week.

Until next week, still praying for the advent of God's kingdom,

Seth